on my own

My running buddy has been traveling so I have been on my own for 4 days and my runs has some ups and some downs.
My first solo run felt awful!  I was hot and felt like I was really slogging along.  By the time I finished that 8 mile run, I was pretty much convinced that I would not be able to finish that half marathon just 5 weeks away. 
The next day I pushed myself to get back on the trail.  My sensor numbers from the previous day showed that I had kept the pace I am hoping to hit for that half marathon - not nearly as awful as it felt.  I had tried running while listening to a favorite podcast, just trying something new.  On this run, I went back to my favorite play list and had a good 5 mile run.  Okay, maybe I can do this.
Yesterday I gave myself a break and went for a bike ride instead of running.  It was a bit overcast so I switched to a tough gear and pushed some different muscles. 
My buddy is back in town and we will have our long (10-11 miles) tomorrow.  This morning I headed out for a short run on the trail.  It was lovely.  When I looked up I saw the sun breaking through the clouds and a hot air balloon.  When I looked down I saw that flash of green on my shoes, carrying me steadily along. 
It was good to run alone, to see how I need to push myself, to see where I need to give myself a little grace and kindness.  But I am happy to know that when I head out on that long run tomorrow, I won't be on my own.